Locked Out From Using Your Hands
The title to this may sound weird but let me explain…
Since I was little I have had constant times where my hands stop responding to my brain and there is nothing I can do about it. When this occurs my hands clench into really tight fists where my nails start to dig into my palms. I can’t undo them because it hurts like a bitch. And I was always told by Doctors and Physical Therapists that if I tried to fix the problem by pulling them apart, I could break my fingers. The only thing to do was to let them lock up and wait it out.
Sometimes it would happen with one hand, and sometimes it would happen with both. Both my parents used different methods to make sure this didn’t happen as often. My mom listened to physical therapists and I was given Silly Puddy or Play-Do to help the dexterity in my hands. My dad took another approach and put me in activities like piano and swimming.
I do think both of these approaches helped me be able to use my hands more. And in school at one point I was taught how to type on a computer and given exercises to help my typing improve. But that doesn’t mean that it stopped my locked hands from showing itself over the years. In many childhood photos you can see my hands either in a fist (one or sometimes both) and at times they would be closed around an object.
Being closed around an object has always worried me. Because I never wanted it to occur with something sharp. But of course it did a few times. At one point I started cooking dinner with my dad, something I really enjoyed (and I still enjoy cooking today). A few times my hand closed around a knife, luckily in these instances I was holding the handle. But my dad either didn’t see it or acted like it wasn’t happening. Those times I couldn’t continue making dinner with him and I couldn’t give him the knife back. On these occasions he would pull the knife out of my fist and the pain it would cause my hand was excruciating. But I never mentioned this to him.
At one point in time I thought I wanted to be a Cosmetologist. I went through the training before realizing it wasn’t my passion but there were a few times there where my hands locked around a pair of scissors. Trying to get myself out of that situation without explaining to everyone around me or having everyone stare was difficult for me. But I had a mentor who had my back the whole way. (Stan where ever life has taken you just know I will always appreciate you). I finally explained to him what I dealt with and he never judged me, just moved on like I was a normal student. Without knowing it at the time, he would sometimes massage my arms to get my hands to relax and it would work.
About 4 years after that cosmetology period, I met a personal trainer who was studying to be a physical therapist and I am so grateful I met him because as he was learning about Cerebral Palsy and the advancements that have happened since I was a kid, I was his client. By happenstance he saw my hands go into fists our first meeting and asked me about it. I played it off because at this point I had been dealing with it for over 20 years. But he asked to try something, and other than Stan he was the only person to relax my hands. This fueled him to understand and test them from time to time. We started with him teaching me about working out with weights and he would put my hands into stress situations he learned from his classes in Physical Therapy to see how they reacted.
With this situation I was able to recognize where in my hands and arms my muscles and nerves would react and he taught me how to “loosen” the tension.
Over the years, my fists sill occur as I have learned there is nothing I can do. It still hurts when it happens and I have to try to be careful when do something like get my nails done. But I have created a network of people around me who understand how and why this occurs but I have also given the knowledge I learned from personal training so they can help me when my hands will fist again.
